D-Backs' Jackson battles illness

D-Backs' Jackson battles illness

By Doug Haller - Sept. 10, 2009 04:42 PM
the Arizona Republic

"How are you feeling?"

It's a simple question for most, but not for Conor Jackson. Sitting at his locker before a recent game, the Diamondbacks outfielder smiled and dropped his head.

"I don't know what to say," Jackson said. "I don't know. I feel OK. I don't even know how to answer that question anymore."

Jackson learned in May that he had valley fever, a potentially serious illness caused when fungus spores from desert soil are inhaled. An estimated 30,000 Arizonans a year are infected, many experiencing minor symptoms. But Jackson 's bout led to pneumonia. The illness attacks victims in different ways, he was told. He'd have to wait it out.

Jeff Gross/Getty Images

May 5, 2009: Conor Jackson of the Diamondbacks watches batting practice prior to a game against the Dodgers in Los Angeles.

The roller coaster kicked in. An extremely healthy eater, Jackson lost 20 pounds. In time, he gained it back. He felt better. He felt worse. In August, he attempted a rehabilitation assignment with Class-A Visalia. On the fourth day, hitless in 10 at-bats, Jackson phoned the team from the hotel. "Hey, I'm not going to be able to make it in today," he said.

Comeback over.

Season over.

"It's hard for me to comprehend how I can feel like this for so long," Jackson said. "That's the most frustrating part. I want to apologize to the front office. I just don't know what to say. I feel good a couple days, and then I feel bad. And then I'll string two or three weeks together where I feel good and then I crash again. It's something I wouldn't wish upon anybody."

The good news: Doctors tell Jackson this isn't unusual. He will recover, but it will take time. In hindsight, maybe he attempted to return too soon. Leading up to his assignment, perhaps he should've worked out for five weeks instead of two.

"It's a gray area for an athlete," Jackson said. "If I had a 9-to-5 job, I'd be back at work, no doubt about it. But I don't think people understand that we just don't come in 30 minutes early and take the field. We're here seven or eight hours before the game. That's the everyday grind that I'm struggling with right now."

Fifteen hours away, Johnny Moore knows exactly how Jackson feels.

***

Reached in Texas , Moore wants to make one thing clear:

"Tell Conor there's no reason he can't get back and play at that level," he said. "It's going to take some work. He has to be patient. It will be like starting all over. But the technology and medicine are a lot different than when I went through it. Conor will be fine."

In 1985, Moore was a promising point guard for the San Antonio Spurs. He had averaged 12.8 points and 10 assists the previous year. He was on his way to duplicating such efforts the next season - until his head began throbbing.

"I remember telling my doctors, 'OK, let me get some juice and some rest and I'll be back in no time,' " Moore said.”And they said, 'No, Johnny, you don't understand. This is serious.' I hadn't even heard of it (valley fever)."

Moore , 27 and in his prime, just like Jackson , didn't play again that season. He played in 55 games the next year, but suffered a relapse and played in only five the next two. His body responded for one final season in 1990, when Moore played in 53 games with the Spurs, but it was clear his best days were behind him. He retired at age 31.

"People have asked me if I'm bitter," Moore said. "On one hand, I feel like if I hadn't gotten sick, I wouldn't have lost all those years and probably would've added a few more. At the time, I was at the pinnacle of my career, so you find yourself asking 'Why me? Why me?' But everyone has problems. Everyone thinks the grass is greener on the other side. We know it's not."

Moore says Jackson needs to prepare for a big obstacle: The comparisons. From this point, fans and media always will judge Jackson by his pre-illness performance. Jackson 's hitting .285? Well, he hit .300 before he got sick. That doubles to left? That would've gone out a few years ago. He's not the same. He's not the same. He's not the same.

"That will be one of the toughest things he has to deal with," Moore said. "People used to tell me, 'Johnny, you've lost a step.' And I just said, 'Shoot, well that just makes me even with everyone else.' "

Today, Moore coaches a summer basketball team in Austin . Although he still takes medication he says he hasn't had a relapse since his NBA days. At times, the mental side of it is difficult - "If I get a headache, I trip," Moore said - but the concern always passes.

"When you're in this business, you have to persevere through a lot of things," Moore said. "I really think if Conor has the desire to play, this will not hold him back. He has to use it as fuel to propel him. If he does that, this will just be another chapter in his life."

***

Jackson knows what's at stake. If the Diamondbacks don't tender him a contract by mid-December, he will become a free agent.

He's hoping to participate in the instructional league later this month. After that, winter ball in Latin America is a possibility. Jackson 's plan is to build endurance and strength leading up to spring training. He knows some probably doubt that's possible. He uses it as motivation.

"I know nothing is going to be handed to me," Jackson said. "I'm probably going to feel like a 23-year-old again, trying to get a job like I did back in 2005. It's going to be an uphill battle, no doubt about it."

He's clearly not giving up.

"The only thing I'm thinking about," he said, "is how I'm going to return next year and show everybody that I'm still the same player."